popularity contest

blogging is such a strange and awesome thing at the same time, don't you think so? lately i've been a little caught up in wanting my blog to be popular. which is a mistake. the other day i asked my brother-in-law why he doesn't comment anymore and he told me it's because my blog has gone too "corporate." ouch. so i've been trying to get away from that a little. for starters, i stopped doing my BESTeam features, because i honestly felt like they were a little incongruous with the rest of my blog, plus i wasnt seeing any business benefits from being a team member. i did meet some awesome people from my membership though, so i won't say that i regret doing it (hi besteam friends!).

instead of being worried about having the most blog followers, i'm just gonna do my thang. if people like it, they will read it. i only follow blogs i enjoy reading. i expect others to do the same. this blog started as a place for me to document my life happenings and stay in touch with family members/friends. so what do i care if it's popular? yes, i admit i have this inexplicable need for people to like me. maybe it stems from having bad self esteem growing up? not being popular in high school? not always being the best-i-could-be friend to others when they needed it, and therefore feeling that i need to make up for it now? i have no idea.

i just found this blog (and therefore this controversial post) yesterday, and it made me think about my blog posts a bit. and what i got out of it is i need to be more true to myself. write about how much i love my homosexual cat, even if other people arent interested. post my outfit of the day posts if i feel like it, because i love fashion. act like i am a model, because i like to pretend i am. admit that i [reallllly] want a black baby, even if it may not be politically correct to do so. blab about our infertility problems because sheesh--that is what we are going through! this blog is real life. MY real life. i'm not forcing anyone to read it, and i need to get rid of that desire to have my blog make it big in a world full of blogs. quite frankly, now that i've written it down, i feel quite ridiculous for even thinking that way.

i do enjoy the internet-friendships i have made with my readers. the support and laughter and advice, etc from you all has really made blogging that much better. so i'm not condemning having followers and all that jazz, i just mean i need to stop worrying about it. it's silly. juvenile. embarrassing to admit. ok, really embarrassing to admit. from now on, it's lets-keep-it-real time. if you join me for the ride, thanks. ♥