Friday, October 16, 2009

getting a little personal (and hopefully not boring...)

so, ive had some friends "come out" on their blog that they are depressed or have depression. in lieu of supporting them, i would like to admit that i've had clinical depression for over 8 years. believe it or not, i used to be [really] ugly, which caused me to have self-esteem issues in middle school and high school. after middle school there were two high schools in my district, and i went to the one in downtown portland, where a few of my friends also went. the problem was that my friends werent like best friends, more like friendly acquaintances. aka, i was kind of a loser.

that freshman year of high school i gained 15 pounds, had close to no friends, and hated every minute of it. i begged my parents to move so i could just start over. luckily for me, my parents had been thinking of moving to the country, and so right after my freshman year ended, we moved. i went from a shy quiet introvert into a new situation, trying to be extroverted. i made friends, and relatively enjoyed the rest of my high school years. i had slightly better fashion sense, wore contacts, and had substantial friends. under the surface though, the depression that had been brewing since freshman year was still lingering. it was always there in the background, coming out more sometimes than others.

freshman year of college was both awesome and terrible for me. i finally figured out how to do my hair. my fashion sense and makeup knowledge sky-rocketed. i was outgoing, loud, and extroverted. i made tons of friends and had lots of fun. then, i went to university of southern maine for a semester, and made a lot of mistakes, and finally hit rock bottom. literally. after hitting rock bottom, my parents were there for me 110%. i started going to see a therapist, and got on medication. i shaped up and then shipped back out to byu, and things have only gotten better since then.

i still have my down times, self-esteem issues, etc. sometimes i wonder if people like me or not, and i like to get a lot of validation. but i will admit, medication has changed my life. i can cope with my issues, and everything is just a lot better. it's been 4 years since i started taking medicine, and it is great to know that everything is relatively stable in my life.

ive heard before that if you have depression that you are living unrighteously. ive heard it is just a cop-out. ive heard there's no such thing, and people are just having bad days and being dramatic about it. ive heard being depressed is stupid and you should be able to get over it. WELL, im here as proof that all that is bologna. depression is a real thing, and can be a very serious issue. i urge people to watch what they are saying if they are ever talking about depression, because you never know who is depressed.

many people are shocked if they find out i am on medication for depression. most people dont know, but it is nothing for me to be ashamed about, so here it all is on the table.

and there you have it. much ♥ to all my friends, family, and sweet husband who are always there for me. love you.

7 comments:

Darci said...

...I love you. And you are awesome...

Andhari said...

I've been off meds for almost 2 years now, girlie. I know how it is. You're a really strong woman :) I find that doing things I like even as a hobby helps. So do closest people like family and friends :)

Liv said...

amen and hallelujah!

MiVidaAsi said...

It happens. I love you for all that you are. the END.

KG said...

You are not boring you are beautiful!!! And thanks for putting my button on your blog!!! I can help you make one too! Meds can make life easier! Good for you. No one is perfect! lv u! k

Whit said...

K, I just have to say that I think you're awesome for sharing this, I have a super close friend who has dealt with depression for a long time and I've always admired her because of her drive to not let it take over her life and so I just want to say thanks. Thanks for sharing, I'm sure there are many who will find support in this post.

yours truly dear said...

thanks everyone for your comments and support. i appreciate it :]