letters, a series, part iii

dear comcast digital cable,

thank you comcast for having on demand so i can do abs of steel. oh, except for when you arent working. like right now. i NEED abs of steel comcast, is that terribly hard to understand?

thanks, your frustrated [and flabby] customer

~

dear nestle treasures,

why do you have to be on sale at smiths every time i go? you are so delicious that i can't pass you by. your caramel center melts in my mouth and i have to eat at least 5 of you in a row. i usually blame purchasing you on how "i need to keep my candy dish full for when friends come over" which is really a lie because i just sit on the couch and eat you non stop. you and comcast should team up and the whole world will be obese (not just the majority of the US).

much love, your #1 consumer

~

dear forest service,

thanks for not giving departments enough money for new equipment. my waders leaked today and my pants got all wet. luckily it wasnt a huge hole and i didnt drown, but it was not fun. when you are standing in a river that is 2 feet deep and your waders are leaking and the water is freezing- it is not very enjoyable. luckily for you i didnt get hypothermia, because im sure i could figure out some sort of lawsuit for that...

sincerely, your lowly hydro crew employee

~

dear joshua,

thanks for always loving me ♥ and eating whatever food i make (even if it isnt good) and for telling me im cute when i cry. when you tell me im pretty first thing in the morning, i know its true love. please tell your sister im sorry for being sappy on my blog. [dont throw up sarah!]

love love love, your sexy wife
(ok, not sexy, but i can pretend, right? haha)